Watch out. THIS is coming for you.

Brandy. Wears a braided chain made of finest silver from the North of Spain. A locket. That bears the name of the man that Brandy loves.

I'm an end table, with a lamp on it

Last night, as I desperately sought comfort in my bed, I rolled slightly toward Grassfed and said "I feel like a piece of furniture." It was true. There was an ache around the circumference of my abdomen and it was so distracting that I had convinced myself I was a useless ball of flesh and instead of just being there, I should have some sort of function. "I should at least be serving food." That actually came before the furniture comment but makes more sense as a followup. The state of my body last night is hard to describe. Even more difficult to articulate is the connection of it to my mind. I had been able to somehow justify that the solution to whatever I was feeling physically was to turn myself into something inanimate but useful, such as a platter carrying shrimp balls and mini quiche. Or a coffee table that doubles as an ottoman. You know, meaningful things.

Try this without thinking "That's what she said"

It was over a year and a half ago that I realized I couldn't swallow. Anything. Not just that. Human beings are peculiar and nonsensical creatures. When I admitted to myself that there was a problem inside me, I didn't tell anyone. I kept it as deep as my gut would allow. And physically, my gut wouldn't allow much. I felt like all was doing was eating or thinking about eating or talking about eating. But my belly was empty, in so many ways.

I was professional at not meeting Grassfed's eye. When we ate together, I was in a place inside my throat, being the neurotic muscles, the only ones I had. Keeping secrets from someone you love makes you feel more empty than starving yourself. Something, anything, would fill me up and then I would just mentally check out of the conversation, respond only with nods or humphs. The shortcomings of my innards had turned me meek to the elements.

Turns out I wasn't crazy or stressed out or fallen victim to an involuntary eating disorder.

I was just a rare case.